The Onion has been a satirical 'news' service since about the late 1980s, and in the true sense of satire it has provided some truly trenchant wit and irony in examining the vice and folly of political life in America. With the steadily mounting number and severity of scandals of the current administration, and the American public increasingly annoyed with pundits who will stare directly in the camera and challenge our intelligence and credulity, The Onion now ponders the response of the Press and the Democrats (but I repeat myself) in the hypothetical case of Obama murdering a local couple, in "Media Having Trouble Finding Right Angle On Obama's Double-Homicide", all delivered in the style of the reportage of the two Chechnyan jihadis in our midst who bombed the Boston Marathon.
(Faithful readers will know that I have a penchant for gallows humor, and this effort sates my appetite at least for the afternoon.)
I am sure that agents of the Secret Service, the FBI, and the IRS are already looking into the story with such tangy examples as:
WASHINGTON – More than a week after President Barack Obama's cold-blooded killing of a local couple, members of the American news media admitted Tuesday that they were still trying to find the best angle for covering the gruesome crime.
"I know there's a story in there somewhere," said Newsweek editor Jon Meacham, referring to Obama's home invasion and execution-style slaying of Jeff and Sue Finowicz on Apr. 8. "Right now though, it's probably best to just sit back and wait for more information to come in. After all, the only thing we know for sure is that our president senselessly murdered two unsuspecting Americans without emotion or hesitation." Added Meacham, "It's not so cut and dried." …
"What exactly is the news hook here?" asked Rick Kaplan, executive producer of the CBS Evening News. "Is this an upbeat human-interest story about a 'day in the life' of a bloodthirsty president who likes to kill people? Or is it more of an examination of how Obama's unusual upbringing in Hawaii helped to shape the way he would one day viciously butcher two helpless citizens in their own home?" …
"There's been some debate around the office about whether we should report on this at all," Washington Post senior reporter Bill Tracy said while on assignment at a local dog show. "It's enough of a tragedy without the press jumping in and pointing fingers or, worse, exploiting the violence." …
The article is accompanied by a photograph of a typical press bull pen (are we still allowed to use that term?) with the caption:
Heh.Associated Press reporters investigate any possible gym training regimens the president might have used to get into peak physical condition for the murders.
Of course, be sure the read the whole thing, by all means.
Update: This is satire, of course, but then how do you explain the actual quote in the same vein from Charles Pierce of the Boston Globe in 2004: "If she had lived, Mary Jo Kopechne would be 62 years old. Through his tireless work as a legislator, Edward Kennedy would have brought comfort to her in her old age."